Living Before the Face of God
Day 10: Lent, Identity, and the Mercy of Not Knowing
Before the Face of God
Abraham Kuyper often spoke of our calling as Christians. Kuyper offered a comprehensive approach to the Christian walk that left no room for neutrality. For the Dutch theologian, you stand before God, and every decision—whether to oppose or obey—is made in His presence.
“Whatever man may stand, whatever he may do, to whatever he may apply his hand — in agriculture, in commerce, and in industry, or his mind, in the world of art, and science — he is, in whatsoever it may be, constantly standing before the face of God.”
We are Coram Deo, and although we know what is true and how the story ought to go, we deceive ourselves into thinking there is better timing than God’s timing or a better way than God’s way. The Book of Proverbs bombards us with similar themes: trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding, don’t follow the path of the wicked. We may be tempted to ask, “Who wouldn’t do these things?” Who wouldn’t follow the ways of a God who created the heavens and the earth? Who wouldn’t wait on the Lord who created time itself?
The Question of Identity
But we are prone to self-deception. We often doubt what we know to be true. Therefore, we need to constantly reflect on our identity. Our identity refers to who we are and who we believe ourselves to be. Our identity is not formed overnight, but by a variety of factors: parents, self-reflection, abilities, education, associations, and close relationships. We don’t form ideas about who we are on our own; it’s formed by everything we do and with whom we engage. All that we experience, know, and feel shapes us, but it cannot have the ultimate say in shaping us.
In the end, we need to return to the clear foundation that God’s opinion must have the final say. God’s imperatives need to overwhelm our doubts and fears. Wherever we may stand, whatever the intellectual or physical endeavor, we need to open our minds to the profound reality that God’s opinion of us is louder and clearer than our opinion of ourselves.
God defines our reality and identity. We only know ourselves in relation to him. Therefore, when we are confused, in a fog, when we don’t have any idea what our next step is, the biblical answer to our uncertainty is glorious. After all, it’s in acknowledging our doubts that God shows us his ways. It is a good thing—at times—when we feel lost, because if we knew exactly what to do, were sure of ourselves and our decisions, and felt overly confident about how to proceed, it is doubtful we would pause to wonder about our identity in relation to our God.
The Mercy of Not Knowing
After the resurrection, around a fire, Jesus takes Peter on an identity tour. In a previous fire, Peter decided that his path would differ from his Master’s: “I don’t know this man.” But now, Jesus takes Peter back to his true identity. Peter is only truly in his calling when he allows Jesus to define who he is.
It’s precisely when you don’t know what’s next that God reminds you of your finiteness and directs you to himself who knows all things.
Our culture has made an idol of knowing all the right answers. We have made an idol of our certainty so that when the first thing goes wrong, we collapse and crawl into our comfort zone. And that’s why often—not always—we hurt so much. We hurt because it is burdensome to define ourselves, burdensome to make our paths straight, to sing our own melodies instead of allowing God to sing over us.
So the lesson of this 10th day of Lent is to remind one another and our children who they are, to teach them who they are, and to point them to the One who identifies them. Knowing our identity does not solve all our problems, but at the very least, it diminishes our tendency to lean on our own understanding.