The Role of Fathers in Life and in Death
Fatherhood instills an enduring image, particularly in sons. That image does not dissolve at death; it lingers, shapes, and continues to speak.
I am working on revising my little work on fatherhood, published eleven years ago. It’s a rewarding and humbling process, especially to see how my writing has evolved and how much more clearly I understand things now, having been a father for 17 years. I hope subscribers enjoy these revisions, which will eventually be republished with additional chapters (including one on the Singing Father). All paid subscribers will receive a PDF copy of the revised book once it is completed, and I hope to send out several physical copies as well.
If you would like to follow the progress, here is the revised introduction, chapter one on “Fatherhood as Divine Imitation,” chapter two, entitled “Glad Fathers and Glad Sons,” chapter three on “The Proverbial Father,” and chapter four on “The Environment of Wisdom for Fatherhood.”
For those who are not paid subscribers, I’d be happy to comp you for 90 days so you can follow along. Send me your email via Substack.
Chapter Five
As fathers turn to sons and sons to fathers, they replicate on earth the cross-generational loyalty found in God. – Peter Leithart
The Father Who Is Never Absent
In My Father Before Me: How Fathers and Sons Influence Each Other Throughout Their Lives, Michael Diamond observes that by the end of World War II, fathers were increasingly viewed as marginal figures in a child’s healthy development.¹ Rather than being seen as formative, they were often remembered for absence or harm: abusive, neglectful, or simply gone. In Diamond’s words, “the successful father had become the forgotten parent.”² Yet this modern assumption misses something fundamental. A father does not merely supplement a mother’s role; he complements it. His influence derives from his fatherliness, from the fact that he is a man, and this influence extends from conception beyond his own death and into the entirety of a child’s life.³
Fatherhood instills an enduring image, particularly in sons. That image does not dissolve at death; it lingers, shapes, and continues to speak.
This is why every exchange between a father and son matters. Each conversation is a potential memory ten or twenty years from now. The blessings of fatherly engagement are cumulative and immeasurable. Words spoken casually today often become guiding principles tomorrow.
Wisdom, Stature, and the Shape of Sonship
Scripture offers a rich image of sonship in Proverbs: a son growing into maturity, assuming responsibility, and preparing for kingly service. That same pattern comes into sharp focus in Luke’s description of Jesus’ early life:
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.”⁴
In this single verse, Luke presents a whole vision of maturation. It is the Solomonic hope fulfilled. Solomon, the wise father, anticipates a son who embodies wisdom, and that hope finds its ultimate expression in Christ, who is wisdom made flesh. From this pattern arises a threefold expectation for fathers: Is my son growing in wisdom? Is he growing in stature? Is he growing in favor with God and man?
Luke tells us that Jesus grew in stature, an observation that affirms the goodness of physical development. Scripture does not belittle the body. Jesus needed strength for carpentry and endurance for ministry. The Christian faith is not confined to the academy; it encompasses the whole of life. Our God is not distant from human experience; He knows what it means to grow, labor, and mature because He sent His Son to undergo that very process.⁵ Sons are to grow up knowing both the effects of the Fall in their labors and the goodness of exercising their bodies in ordinary work.
Significantly, Luke situates this growth within the context of the Passover. Jesus is twelve years old, fully immersed in Israel’s worshiping life. He comes to the temple to attend to divine business. This detail is not incidental. Faithful sons are raised by faithful worshipers. Fathers teach their sons, often without words, that nothing substitutes for worship. Even familial claims yield to the purposes of God. As Joel Green notes, not even family obligations take precedence over alignment with God’s purposes.⁶ One of the central tasks of fatherhood is to bathe sons in the aroma of worship.
Worship, Favor, and Faithful Presence in the World
This is where the father’s leadership becomes especially concrete. Leading the home begins with a settled commitment to the Lord’s Day. And yet, it is here that many small compromises quietly creep in. Fathers rationalize the absence of worship because of sports schedules, vacations, or exhaustion. These decisions may seem insignificant in the moment, but they form a child’s ecclesiology over time. Jesus knew He must be about His Father’s business. Regarding corporate worship, there should be no habitual compromise.⁷ As Randy Booth once observed, the decision to attend Lord’s Day worship is a decision made once in a lifetime, not every Saturday night.⁸
Luke’s vision, however, does not end with worship alone. Jesus also grew in favor with man. Piety toward God cannot be separated from life in community. Proverbs teaches the same truth: obedience yields favor both with God and with others (Prov. 3:1–4). God the Father was preparing His Son not in isolation, but within a people, to rule and reign over all (I Cor. 15:24–26).
This has important implications for fathers today, particularly within the Reformed tradition.⁹ There is sometimes a temptation to equate prominence with compromise and isolation with faithfulness. We are quick to adopt a contra mundum posture, ready for theological combat at every turn. While doctrinal clarity and necessary separation have their place, fathers can unintentionally convey to their sons that faithfulness requires withdrawal from others.
Scripture assumes something better. Fathers are to teach their sons to pursue the favor of men, not through flattery or compromise, but through principled and charitable engagement. Sons should see their fathers practicing healthy catholicity, learning from other Protestant traditions, and discerning what is essential to defend and what is not.¹⁰ To be a father is not merely to be a companion. A father is also a teacher, always forming, always instructing, whether through affection, encouragement, or rebuke.
In all things, charity must reign. The world will know us by our love, and our sons must learn that faithfulness to God and favor with man are not rivals, but companions shaped by wisdom, worship, and truth.
Footnotes
Michael Diamond, My Father Before Me: How Fathers and Sons Influence Each Other Throughout Their Lives (New York: W.W. Norton & Company), 5–6.
Ibid., 5–6.
Ibid., 7.
Luke 2:52 (ESV).
Peter Leithart, blog post, December 3, 2005, First Things.
Joel Green, The Gospel of Luke, NICNT (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), 157.
Extraordinary circumstances, such as illness or emergency, rightly qualify this principle.
Paraphrase from Randy Booth, “The Church-Friendly Family,” ed. Uri Brito, Covenant Media Foundation.
This application extends beyond the Reformed tradition, but reflects particular temptations within it.
Cf. I Timothy 3:7; with thanks to Pastor Peter Jones for this observation.