What does the Bible demand of young mothers?
The young woman must find delight in her role; if she despises it, she must be properly instructed to return to her first order of love. If she hates her home, she will hate what God loves.
Congregations of godly women are flocks where elderly women come alongside and minister to younger women. This is part of Paul’s rich exhortation to Titus in chapter 2. Older women are to instruct by "admonishing the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, and obedient to their own husbands" (Titus 2:4). This homily to Titus assumes that the young ladies in the Church will have a disposition towards discipleship and spiritual growth. The young woman—married or unmarried—will find great wisdom in learning and submitting to other godly women who have already walked in their steps and have gained maturity through trials and joys.
It is entirely possible that in our reaction to feminism in our culture, we have deprived our daughters and wives of faithful Christian discipleship. We likely assume that discipleship is not something to be worked on or that the place of women is somewhere between happy ignorance or eclectic and unrestrained absorption of podcasts. The former keeps daughters and wives unaware and undisturbed by "intellectual" matters and is concerned about the diapers and dishes alone. The latter gives women complete freedom to digest everything and anything producing a form of confused specimen of dogmatism. They are both dangerous alternatives. The better way is to be sanctified through godly leadership in the home and the personification of lady wisdom among mature saints in the body.
What kinds of things should younger women be familiar with? What can the older among them teach them?
Let me work by summarizing Paul's pastoral wisdom to Titus. These distinct areas specify the patterns and themes women should be acquainted with in their maturation under the guidance of elderly women.
Maturation for Young Women
First, the Apostle says young women should love their husbands and children. Wives must learn the gift of the natural order of creation and, therefore, the natural affections. While Paul articulates sections detailing the husband's overarching duties in the home, Paul isolates this section to instruct Titus in his pastoral duties towards young mothers. The argument seeks to establish principles that should guide the woman's relationship to the home. Her relationship with the home, her husband, and her children mirrors the Church's responsibilities towards her Groom.
Thus, if the woman does not correctly know her role in the affections of the home, she will misuse those affections and create disharmony. The command to love husband and children becomes an inalienable element of the female disposition. She is to be taught the orders of love. According to St. Paul, there is no greater priority than husband and children. When that order is disoriented, then the house loses its focus. She must offer her intellect and care to benefit the household and the members of it.
Second, she is to be discreet. This requires discernment. Discreetness teaches us to avoid rashness and vanities. For a woman to be discreet, she must know what needs to be said and what shouldn't in public spaces.
Further, she is modest in what she wears and modest in her speech. An older woman can guide her through these elements. She is not impulsive or over-reactionary, despising those in authority in the past or now. She can carefully walk, learn, and speak without sounding like a clanging symbol (Prov. 2:11; I Cor. 13) or causing others to stumble in the congregation. She does not speak poorly of those who watch over her soul (Heb. 13:17).
Third, she is to be chaste. This has sexual implications since a woman must desire purity within her own bed (Heb. 13:4). However, this also entails a love for the purity of her role as a wife and mother. In other words, she should not desire alternative lives. She should not dream of a life outside the one God gave. She should be tuned with her particular duties in the home and treasure those above all. Matthew Henry lays this out directly:
Those whose home is their prison, it is to be feared, feel that their chastity is their fetters. Not but there are occasions, and will be, of going abroad; but a gadding temper for merriment and company sake, to the neglect of domestic affairs, or from uneasiness at being in her place, is the opposite evil intended, which is commonly accompanied with, or draws after it, other evils.
The young woman must find delight in her role; if she despises it, she must be properly instructed to return to her first order of love. If she hates her home, she will hate what God loves. She may not delight in the difficulties of child-rearing or the midnight nursing, but she must learn to love what God loves as a sacred duty. Her virtue is tested in her affections. Young mothers need to have an eschatological vision of their roles. They are forming citizens of heaven at home and strengthening the husband in his kingly role.
Fourth, she is to be a homemaker or lover/keeper of the home. This does not imply that a woman's role is limited to keeping or maintaining the house. Proverbs 31 provides an enhanced vision of one who keeps the home. She becomes deeply invested in its well-being. The home’s business is the root of her own economic policies. She works as Queen to support and sustain the vision of the King.
Depending on her stage of life, she may dedicate herself exclusively to nurturing and nourishing children, but the Bible expands that vision. Paul states that the woman is to be a productive participant in the economy of the home. She ordinarily avoids the pursuit of professionalization outside of household duties (oikos) because her role is fundamentally domestic. She should shun the feminist agendas that would gladly remove her from her domain. The woman is the glorifier and beautifier of her household.
In all my years as a pastor, I have never heard a husband approach me and regret/repent of his wife staying home with her children, especially in those early years. On the other hand, I have had dozens and dozens of men approach me and regret/repent for not being better leaders at home in those early stages of child-rearing. Many regret that they chose the wrong priorities over the education and nurture of their children, and others feel trapped by the exorbitant habits developed in a two-income household.
A woman can be productive and contribute financially in some way. Still, whatever it is, it should not violate the norm of her first economic priority, which is the well-being of her sacred place and her sacred children. The ordinariness of the house should be a man who provides for his wife and a woman who contributes and supports his vision at home.
Fifth, she is to be good. The woman’s pursuit of the good is an inherently ethical one. She is to be habitually producing good works; but not any generic good works. Instead, she produces good works that beautify the home and strengthen the goodness of the home. Therefore, she is not to be quarrelsome or anxious, for these things produce the antithesis of the good. It brings tension and anxiety to the household. She is to set an example of the good by producing the good; by fruitful deeds which cause the children to call her blessed (Prov. 31:28-31).
Finally, she is to be obedient to her husband. The corresponding faithfulness of the man decorates that obedience. The only absolute obedience is our obedience to our Master, Jesus Christ. But when it comes to human relationships with those in authority, all obedience is conditional. A minister who compromises the Gospel does not deserve our obedience. The government official who tells us to shut up and mask up does not deserve our obedience. The husband who demands that his wife partake of idolatry does not deserve obedience. Peter and the other apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than human beings!” (Acts 5:29). Thus, obedience is conditional.
However, obedience is not to be treated flippantly. The wife cannot offer obedience only if the husband acts as she deems best. Obedience is to be given joyfully under godly leadership. The husband has lost the battle once he demands obedience. For obedience is something a wife must treasure and offer. She must take pleasure in submitting to her husband and delighting in her household.
The Sum of the Matter
We can summarize Titus 2 as a call to mature womanhood. The woman who loves God is bound by certain imperatives that produce wisdom. She is fruitful if she lives by them and that knowledge will honor the Word of God. God is not mocked. The call of a woman is noble and good, and her example is supremely needed in pursuing a mature body.
When women fail to be discipled by elderly women or when she refuses to pursue godly wisdom, she is depriving themselves of maturity and set themselves and their female offspring on a journey towards ignorance and the same feminist agendas that have derailed Western civilization from the pursuit of the good.
Pastors should encourage older women to reach out to younger women. They should meet for coffee or come over to see what godly and mature homes look like. Young women should also seek the wisdom of the godly. They should engage in this blessed calling of discipleship under those who have fought well and are still pursuing the gift of godly womanhood at home.